All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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