He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
