he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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