This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
