The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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