Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
