i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
