Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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