it was like his penis was on wheels.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
