i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
