Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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