I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
