In the future we'll all be gay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
