Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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