it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
