Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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