remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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