How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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