Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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