Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
