We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize