had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
