Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
