I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
