I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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