I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
