I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
