and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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