New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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