The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
don't judge my taste in strippers
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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