I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
