it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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