it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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