this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
