Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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