i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
