FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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