My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
