once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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