What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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