A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
