just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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