I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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