i jhust puked up my retainher.
My first STD was from a foam party
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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