worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize