so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
