It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
