lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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