imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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