matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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