listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You need Xanax blowdarts
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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