The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
