If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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