JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
