I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
