Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
