That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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