There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
