as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
