I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
