Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize