i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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