Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
