This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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