apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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