Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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