Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
