I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize