i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
