Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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