The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have fence marks all over my body
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
