i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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