i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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