i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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