Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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