Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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