Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
