You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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