I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
