My nipple is on Facebook.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
