do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
