just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
