i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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