i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
