your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the condom got lost in my hair
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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